Yesterday I participated in a 5K event that I've done for several years for the Ugandan Water Project ( http://ugandanwaterproject.com/ ). But, for at least two reasons, when I signed up for the event, I realized that I could not participate as I wanted to participate. I am being treated for prostate cancer, and its been 5 weeks since having brachytherapy (radioactive seed implants) surgery, and the side effects of my treatments are peaking and wearing me out. On top of that, the entire month of April to date has been miserable for doing any outdoor training. My obvious desire was to be well and to participate in the event as a runner and compete for a top three spot in my age (60 - 65) group. My focus was all about wishing I could be better so I could participate in the way I desired to participate. On top of this I was able to get my company, Bergmann, to be a sponsor of this event, and two of my colleagues showed up.
Within this backdrop, I have been reading Jeremiah Burroughs' The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment ( http://www.chapellibrary.org/files/1113/7658/4062/rjoc.pdf ) to help me learn contentment during this time of personal suffering, when I am not in the condition I wish to be in. One of the hard learned lessons for me has been achieving a grateful heart that's content with having my will and desires be blended with God's will and desires. Burroughs explains that such a thing is mystery to the carnal heart. One breaks through the mystery by having one's desires satisfied not by obtaining the thing or condition that's originally desired, but instead he makes his will to be at one with God's will.
Thus I determined that I would enter as a walker, begin walking the event, and then continue it as a training run if I felt up to it. As I got ready for the race, God connected me to an energetic and fit man named Mike, age 72, who was wearing a neck brace and sporting walking poles. He explained to me that he had run this event in the past but that he had recently fallen during a training run, and would need to walk the event this year. As we walked together to the starting line, I explained to him my medical situation, and when we reached the starting line he placed his hands on my shoulders and prayed a powerful prayer for my healing. I then prayed for his complete healing from his fall. He told me that my radiation treatments were God's gift to me for my healing, and need to be embraced. He then went on to explain that he had received radiation treatments for testicular cancer many years ago, which he remembered wore him down for a while too. He also explained that he recovered and fathered a child after those treatments concluded. Even these words provided hope to me that our son Tim may someday father a child after having chemotherapy treatments for, you guessed it, testicular cancer. So after walking the first 0.8 miles to the top of a hill, I took off at a typical training pace for me and finished the 2.3 miles running. I spent some time enjoying the post-event foods and chatting with my Bergmann colleagues. I returned home with a joyful heart.
So when suffering, instead of wishing I was not suffering so, if I instead work through the mystery of abandoning the end I desire, but look to be satisfied to make my will God's will, I will actually receive the blessing that God intends for me. The blessing I received during yesterday's event was better for me than anything I received out of the past events, because it's what God wanted for me.
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